A place for English 11 students from the Pearson Adult Learning Centre in New Westminster, BC, Canada to read work in progress, critique, and ask or answer questions (of other students and of the teacher).
Friday, October 9, 2009
Narrative Essay (1st Draft; First 2 Paragraphs)
Post the first two paragraphs of your essay to the comment section for this post, please. Bring a full draft, word processed and double spaced, to class on Wednesday, October 14.
By midmorning on the first day, my legs were already tired. I rode past small farms on the north side of the Fraser River, their white fences enclosing lush green spring grass. Chestnut horses grazed and perhaps (although I don’t remember now) looked up, puzzled. It was May 28, 1975 and I’d set out at eight that morning on a bicycle ride that would end in Halifax on August first.
I was headed for Hope and beyond, riding to reach a campground up the canyon from the town. It was nearly twilight, I remember, when I arrived there and, exhausted, put up my tent for the night. The deep diesel roar of trains echoed up and down the Fraser Canyon, freight trains they were, climbing the steep grade slowly all night long. I didn’t sleep much that first night.
It was the cold evening of February 5 1975.I wason a ride in horse cart,that was moving on the main road of University.The horse was gallopingwith a specific rythem on the road.on the cross walks of the road many students were moving in both directionlike 'Antson their shiftto some where else.Mean while the voice some speaking person was spreading spasmodically.There was an installation ceremony in the History Department of our University.
For a moment ,I thought,'i am invitedby my friend'.Ihave to go there.But soon i changed my mood.It seems awkward to go there so late.so i keep on moving in tonga puled by horse.
I arrived in Egypt in early 2003.I had no family or a friend in Egypt, and I spoke neither English nor Arabic at the time. I spoke a little French and Swahili. At the airport nobody could understand me. It was around 5:15 Pm. Fortunately, I found the Officer who spoken French so I asked him for a guide like “A place to sleep” “I don’t quite think that I can you on that, but follow me,” he said.
We got out from the airport, then he called a tax for me, and he paid the tax man. Then he said to me that, “This man is going to drive you to the Mosque, so you can ask for help inside the mosque.” I said to him, “Thank you.” The tax man drove me to the mosque, but I was pretty nervous about the situation.
1984 had been the most prosperous year during the last twenty in the family business, the reason why everybody was excited about that Christmas. That night the whole family, more than forty relatives, would be congregate for the big celebration; it would be great for kids and adults. Of course! My respectable father, the godfather of the clan would host the great festivity. Everyone had planned be in time for the toast, banquet, fireworks and most were expectant with the presents; everything would happen around midnight according to the tradition, and in honour of Jesus Baby.
On the same day before sunrise my brother had gone to visit his absent girlfriend, 10 hours round trip; my father had asked my cousin parent’s permission to the 15-boy make company to him. They would come back perfectly in time for the nativity event. I was getting ready the presents and the attire I would dress, when my father suddenly appeared at my door. I cheerfully thought my best friend was looking for my secretive help, but instantly I saw him, I knew something terrible had happened. I perceived my hero frail, incredibly frightened. Without words we became in a profound silent hug.
Effie came home at a half past three as usual, but in an unusual way, the door slamming close, both her lunch bag and school bag on the floor, the expressing on her face solemn, and none word. She walked straight into the living room at the end of the apartment, lying on the sofa with her head propping up on a throw pillow.
“How was math class today?” I asked, elaborately casual.
In the last three days of my school in year 2005,I wasn't ready for my final Math test.Or in another way ,I didn't prepare well for the exam.At night my friend Sara called me and complained about the same problem.At the meanwhile,I took a deep breath means that I had a partner for my trouble.After a long time we spent on the phone thinking in any solution save us from the exam in the next day morning,we decided to take an advantage
We tough that we were more than smart.I was extremly happy that we will convince the teacher do not do the test with a stupid argument.In the morning,we arrived at the same time and directly to our teacher , to told him that both of us couldn't write the test by reason yesterday, we went together to the hospital to visit our injuried friend, and we spent all the night there. It was really a crazy idea.
It was in the early morning of August 16, 1998 at 4:30 a.m. when my sister came closer to my bed calling me in a very sad voice,” Fatima, wake up, wake up, please”. I thought that she was trying to wake me up because it was praying time, and I was so lazy to wake up in the early morning. When she found out that there is no way to make a joke, she yelled and told me loudly that my brother-in-law has passed away. For a while, I felt that I was dreaming. Then I jumped to my parent’s room to find out if that was right or not. Unfortunately, I could not find anyone at home except my sister and me. In that moment, I did not know what to do except cry. Then I put on my black mourning clothes and went with my sister to my sister’s home. Words: 154
Five o'clock, it was time off duty in July, 2000. Seven fellows and I on duty that afternoon would get off to chase after other 30 colleagues who had set off at noon. We would drive 350 km with two cars. Two-thirds of the road was mountain road.
It was an annual leisurely trip supported by company which was planned about one month ago. Most of fellows set off at noon. However, we were service department, so there must were some body on duty at that afternoon. That was why our eight people embarked at evening.
Family background is important, and you probably hurt some innocent one if ignoring this.
It was great to meet my first girl friend, Miss Lee, when I run into her on picnic. At first, my company managed to have a picnic for every single man, and my colleague was in charge to invite single women from other company. Based on his invitation, I joined this activity. In the shining day, I picked her up on the motorcycle. We talked some interesting thing of our childhood and student age. Sharing working in company and getting along with parents experiences. At the camping site, we cooperated to set a fire. Both us were new for this task, so we made some mistakes and our body were full of the smell of charcoal smoke. Even so, we felt very happy and were glad to know each other. It is a beautiful day for me.
I believe we’ve all been some trouble of it, that using any kind of phone especially internet phone or cell phone.
The internet phone usually is cheap and convenient for relocation than the traditional phone (wire phone). With the development of the technology, the internet phone becomes more and more popular, and I never consider it could bring some trouble for us.
The first time I met my mother-in-law, I realized immediately that the biggest challenge in my whole life would be dealing with her.
I was afraid of my mother-in-law pretty much when I just married. She bossed me around in the kitchen, teased my cooking in front of everybody, complained that I had never remembered the processes of warship the gods, criticizing me from hair to toes. I felt my head was going to explode when I heard her loud voice, so I stayed at work very late to avoid going home. Sometimes, I believe she was the force to push me out the big family, or even push me to Canada.
In Taiwan, a hot and humid summer afternoon, no wind and the sun was scorching and the leaves on the trees seems yelling “I am thirsty!” The heat in my head is a hammer on an anvil, pounding sword into shape, but my mind is hotter. It has been the 16th days that I won’t talk to Dad, “He doesn’t know me.” I, a nineteen juvenile, murmured to myself. “Am I stubborn?” of course not, but my father was. I opened my book and tried to prepare for the Union Entrance Examination, but the characters in the book seems a stranger to me, “I cannot read anymore.” I was sweating like a wet gold fish.
BANANA SKIN I was about 17, and I was young and inexperienced. I went to shopping with my friends on Friday afternoon in summer time. We had holiday for three months, and I always spent my time with my closed friends. We had lot s of fun together. On that Friday, after shopping we went to the park to walk and enjoy beautiful sunny day. Sahar, my friend, loved fast food, and she saw a small fast food restaurant. “Wait, wait I would like to eat something .what about you children?”Sahar said, and took some money. ”can you buy a coffee and cake for me please?” Maryam, my friend, said. ”for sure, why not” Sahar said. I gave her money to buy something for me too. After I had my snake, I ate banana that my mom put in my handbag. My hands were sticky, and I hate that. I was hurried to find a garbage can and wash my hands. I could not find, and I throw it on the side walk.”What are you doing Somayeh?” Sahar said.” Nothing” I said.” you know if someone fall down, and hurts legs or hands” Sahar said, and I interrupted her “don’t worry, it s their business, they should be careful” I said. “I can’t bother myself because of others” I said.”I hate sticky things “said.” Any way I told you, and you want listen or not,” and “this world reflexes our behaviour to our self , and you should notice to this point ” maryam said.” that s enough, please” I said .we were walking around until we saw washroom to wash my hands. After I we washed her hand, we continue to walk .We felt tired, and we went back home. When my mom opened the door, I saw my mom was crying.
It was really hot summer in 1998 in Northern China. It was muggy and I was so lazy to go to work, even if I got iron rice bowel job right after graduation. There were no more iron rice jobs later on. I was lucky, but I got boring to get minimum stabled salary. After work, everybody talked about Majiang. Sometimes I wondered if I should stay here for my whole life.
Like other young guys, my husband decided to go to South. There were more chance and more open to the overseas. We were classmates in the university. He was very active. He was the leader of our band in the university. I believed him that he could do what ever he wanted. I always thought I was smart to let him go even if I felt lonely all the time. It was almost one year already since he left. I didn’t hear any excited news. Instead, he was worry about his future now. It was not usual for him that he used to be very confident.--178 words
Everything in hope You can get everything if you have hope. It was hard to believe these only four years ago. It was winter 2005 when I came to Canada from India. Pure white snow made me happy and gave me an excitement. Which After I still remember few days my all excitement was gone? I became sad. When I realized how much hard work I had to do. I had a master’s degree in political science, but I could not use my education here. I had to improve my English, I had to learn about culture and I also had to find a job. Most of the time I talk to myself, “Why have I came here “. “What I going do here”.
Former adult teacher who loves island beaches. Happy homebody and family man; once devoted dog owner, now without Tashi, my Tibetan Terrier. I prefer the absurdity of the imagination to the absurdity of imagining nothing.
15 comments:
By midmorning on the first day, my legs were already tired. I rode past small farms on the north side of the Fraser River, their white fences enclosing lush green spring grass. Chestnut horses grazed and perhaps (although I don’t remember now) looked up, puzzled. It was May 28, 1975 and I’d set out at eight that morning on a bicycle ride that would end in Halifax on August first.
I was headed for Hope and beyond, riding to reach a campground up the canyon from the town. It was nearly twilight, I remember, when I arrived there and, exhausted, put up my tent for the night. The deep diesel roar of trains echoed up and down the Fraser Canyon, freight trains they were, climbing the steep grade slowly all night long. I didn’t sleep much that first night.
It was the cold evening of February 5 1975.I wason a ride in horse cart,that was moving on the main road of University.The horse was gallopingwith a specific rythem on the road.on the cross walks of the road many students were moving in both directionlike 'Antson their shiftto some where else.Mean while the voice some speaking person was spreading spasmodically.There was an installation ceremony in the History Department of our University.
For a moment ,I thought,'i am invitedby my friend'.Ihave to go there.But soon i changed my mood.It seems awkward to go there so late.so i keep on moving in tonga puled by horse.
I arrived in Egypt in early 2003.I had no family or a friend in Egypt, and I spoke neither English nor Arabic at the time. I spoke a little French and Swahili. At the airport nobody could understand me. It was around 5:15 Pm. Fortunately, I found the Officer who spoken French so I asked him for a guide like “A place to sleep” “I don’t quite think that I can you on that, but follow me,” he said.
We got out from the airport, then he called a tax for me, and he paid the tax man. Then he said to me that, “This man is going to drive you to the Mosque, so you can ask for help inside the mosque.” I said to him, “Thank you.” The tax man drove me to the mosque, but I was pretty nervous about the situation.
1984 had been the most prosperous year during the last twenty in the family business, the reason why everybody was excited about that Christmas. That night the whole family, more than forty relatives, would be congregate for the big celebration; it would be great for kids and adults. Of course! My respectable father, the godfather of the clan would host the great festivity. Everyone had planned be in time for the toast, banquet, fireworks and most were expectant with the presents; everything would happen around midnight according to the tradition, and in honour of Jesus Baby.
On the same day before sunrise my brother had gone to visit his absent girlfriend, 10 hours round trip; my father had asked my cousin parent’s permission to the 15-boy make company to him. They would come back perfectly in time for the nativity event. I was getting ready the presents and the attire I would dress, when my father suddenly appeared at my door. I cheerfully thought my best friend was looking for my secretive help, but instantly I saw him, I knew something terrible had happened. I perceived my hero frail, incredibly frightened. Without words we became in a profound silent hug.
Effie came home at a half past three as usual, but in an unusual way, the door slamming close, both her lunch bag and school bag on the floor, the expressing on her face solemn, and none word. She walked straight into the living room at the end of the apartment, lying on the sofa with her head propping up on a throw pillow.
“How was math class today?” I asked, elaborately casual.
Truth is the Solution
In the last three days of my school in year 2005,I wasn't ready for my final Math test.Or in another way ,I didn't prepare well for the exam.At night my friend Sara called me and complained about the same problem.At the meanwhile,I took a deep breath means that I had a partner for my trouble.After a long time we spent on the phone thinking in any solution save us from the exam in the next day morning,we decided to take an advantage
We tough that we were more than smart.I was extremly happy that we will convince the teacher do not do the test with a stupid argument.In the morning,we arrived at the same time and directly to our teacher , to told him that both of us couldn't write the test by reason yesterday, we went together to the hospital to visit our injuried friend, and we spent all the night there. It was really a crazy idea.
It was in the early morning of August 16, 1998 at 4:30 a.m. when my sister came closer to my bed calling me in a very sad voice,” Fatima, wake up, wake up, please”. I thought that she was trying to wake me up because it was praying time, and I was so lazy to wake up in the early morning. When she found out that there is no way to make a joke, she yelled and told me loudly that my brother-in-law has passed away. For a while, I felt that I was dreaming. Then I jumped to my parent’s room to find out if that was right or not.
Unfortunately, I could not find anyone at home except my sister and me. In that moment, I did not know what to do except cry. Then I put on my black mourning clothes and went with my sister to my sister’s home.
Words: 154
Five o'clock, it was time off duty in July, 2000. Seven fellows and I on duty that afternoon would get off to chase after other 30 colleagues who had set off at noon. We would drive 350 km with two cars. Two-thirds of the road was mountain road.
It was an annual leisurely trip supported by company which was planned about one month ago. Most of fellows set off at noon. However, we were service department, so there must were some body on duty at that afternoon. That was why our eight people embarked at evening.
Family background is important, and you probably hurt some innocent one if ignoring this.
It was great to meet my first girl friend, Miss Lee, when I run into her on picnic. At first, my company managed to have a picnic for every single man, and my colleague was in charge to invite single women from other company. Based on his invitation, I joined this activity. In the shining day, I picked her up on the motorcycle. We talked some interesting thing of our childhood and student age. Sharing working in company and getting along with parents experiences. At the camping site, we cooperated to set a fire. Both us were new for this task, so we made some mistakes and our body were full of the smell of charcoal smoke. Even so, we felt very happy and were glad to know each other. It is a beautiful day for me.
I believe we’ve all been some trouble of it, that using any kind of phone especially internet phone or cell phone.
The internet phone usually is cheap and convenient for relocation than the traditional phone (wire phone). With the development of the technology, the internet phone becomes more and more popular, and I never consider it could bring some trouble for us.
The first time I met my mother-in-law, I realized immediately that the biggest challenge in my whole life would be dealing with her.
I was afraid of my mother-in-law pretty much when I just married. She bossed me around in the kitchen, teased my cooking in front of everybody, complained that I had never remembered the processes of warship the gods, criticizing me from hair to toes. I felt my head was going to explode when I heard her loud voice, so I stayed at work very late to avoid going home. Sometimes, I believe she was the force to push me out the big family, or even push me to Canada.
In Taiwan, a hot and humid summer afternoon, no wind and the sun was scorching and the leaves on the trees seems yelling “I am thirsty!” The heat in my head is a hammer on an anvil, pounding sword into shape, but my mind is hotter.
It has been the 16th days that I won’t talk to Dad, “He doesn’t know me.” I, a nineteen juvenile, murmured to myself. “Am I stubborn?” of course not, but my father was. I opened my book and tried to prepare for the Union Entrance Examination, but the characters in the book seems a stranger to me, “I cannot read anymore.” I was sweating like a wet gold fish.
BANANA SKIN
I was about 17, and I was young and inexperienced. I went to shopping with my friends on Friday afternoon in summer time. We had holiday for three months, and I always spent my time with my closed friends. We had lot s of fun together. On that Friday, after shopping we went to the park to walk and enjoy beautiful sunny day. Sahar, my friend, loved fast food, and she saw a small fast food restaurant.
“Wait, wait I would like to eat something .what about you children?”Sahar said, and took some money. ”can you buy a coffee and cake for me please?” Maryam, my friend, said.
”for sure, why not” Sahar said. I gave her money to buy something for me too. After I had my snake, I ate banana that my mom put in my handbag. My hands were sticky, and I hate that. I was hurried to find a garbage can and wash my hands. I could not find, and I throw it on the side walk.”What are you doing Somayeh?” Sahar said.” Nothing” I said.” you know if someone fall down, and hurts legs or hands” Sahar said, and I interrupted her “don’t worry, it s their business, they should be careful” I said. “I can’t bother myself because of others” I said.”I hate sticky things “said.” Any way I told you, and you want listen or not,” and “this world reflexes our behaviour to our self , and you should notice to this point ” maryam said.” that s enough, please” I said .we were walking around until we saw washroom to wash my hands. After I we washed her hand, we continue to walk .We felt tired, and we went back home. When my mom opened the door, I saw my mom was crying.
It was really hot summer in 1998 in Northern China. It was muggy and I was so lazy to go to work, even if I got iron rice bowel job right after graduation. There were no more iron rice jobs later on. I was lucky, but I got boring to get minimum stabled salary. After work, everybody talked about Majiang. Sometimes I wondered if I should stay here for my whole life.
Like other young guys, my husband decided to go to South. There were more chance and more open to the overseas. We were classmates in the university. He was very active. He was the leader of our band in the university. I believed him that he could do what ever he wanted. I always thought I was smart to let him go even if I felt lonely all the time. It was almost one year already since he left. I didn’t hear any excited news. Instead, he was worry about his future now. It was not usual for him that he used to be very confident.--178 words
Everything in hope
You can get everything if you have hope. It was hard to believe these only four years ago. It was winter 2005 when I came to Canada from India. Pure white snow made me happy and gave me an excitement. Which After I still remember few days my all excitement was gone? I became sad. When I realized how much hard work I had to do. I had a master’s degree in political science, but I could not use my education here. I had to improve my English, I had to learn about culture and I also had to find a job. Most of the time I talk to myself, “Why have I came here “. “What I going do here”.
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