Use Patrick Lane’s first paragraph (128 words;
your paragraph should be the same length exactly) as a model to write about a
memory of your own. You may use some of his words; for example, I follow the
model of Lane’s first sentence but tell my own story: “Back in the summer of 1974, I was 18 years old, working for the cook
and living in a mining exploration camp with 23 men 50 kilometers shy of the
Arctic Circle.”
Note how I've used the same number of words
(32) and almost the same structure. Do the same, as much as you can. Post to
the blog as a “comment”; I will post an example on the weekend. Bring your
work, word processed and double spaced, to class that day.
If you would like to read the first draft writing I did in class, these are provided below in Word 2007 format (docx).
Link to the narrative I wrote in English 12 class.
Link to the narrative I wrote in English 11 class.
20 comments:
Back in the summer of 1974, I was 18 years old, working for the cook and living in a mining exploration camp with 23 men 50 kilometers shy of the Arctic Circle. (32 words) I had a job helping the camp cook for a company called Cominco that was diamond drilling for core samples of silver and gold ore hidden under the arctic tundra now threatened by climate change. (35 words) I remember walking atop an *esker into the wind to keep the masses of voracious mosquitoes at bay. (18 words) I stood there relishing the lack of bugs as I stared into the distance at rocks and boulders as far as I could see. (24 words) The whine of insects was constant. (6 words) The only gift given on that early spring day was a hard, driving wind. (14 words)
* a long narrow winding ridge of sand or gravel, deposited by a stream flowing under a glacier
It’s a challenge! Note the length of each sentence and then play around with ideas and statements until you come close to the length. Good luck getting those long sentences right. It takes perseverance and a good eye for detail.
Remember that the basic “main idea” of your sentences can be different but try to remain coherent and say something meaningful.
Back in October of 2011, we were living with my husband in one of the biggest city in the
world, possessed by our work, our friends and ourselves. We are waiting for a baby and it was
the time to give birth. The process of lying-in was hard and painful, I was exhausted and tired.
In ten minutes midwife put my son on my chest. He was wet, red and withered, but he was so
beautiful and vulnerable. Remembering this moment, when I lay on the labor bed with my
baby, I think that Beauty have to be growing inside us, maturing under you heard like child,
saturating our thinking and feeling. And once day it appears from you, beside you, as a
wonderful flower, so intimate and plain.
129 word
Hi Everyone,
Two students have caught an error in my example (which I will leave up in any case) where the second sentence should contain 34 words and not 35.
As I said to one of them, if any student comes within one word (127 or 129), he or she has done very well. If you nail 128 hooray!
My apologies! See you Wednesday.
NOTE that your writing should be as close to 128 as possible. I have 129. 127 is also ok. Hanna, your length is 220. There is still time to revise before class tomorrow!
Back in the winter of 2011,I was 17 years old, living with my parents, and had a part time job, as a cashier in one of the sea food restaurant, near my house.one day at work, the weather was horribly cold and people were coming in and out, either to order food or to just get warm. It was about four hours that i was seeing an old man,Homeless, walking behind the restaurant's door, looking inside and never planned to come in. After i was done, i went to him and asked if he needs help. I couldn't do much for him, but i went back to the restaurant and ordered some food for him. He smiled, took the food, and thanked me. That's how I understood helping is also a description for the word, beauty.
Back in December of 2007, I was 24 years old, a new comer to this country, living with my roommate in a two-bedroom basement 9 miles to Downtown Vancouver from here. I had my first job working as a server for a busy Japanese restaurant on Granville Street. I remember when Christmas day was approaching, day became cold and gray, and the white snowflakes fell to the ground incessantly. As I walked along the way to the bus stop I rubbed my numbed nose and cheekbones. This was my first winter, and everything seemed cheerless but beautiful- the pure white cloak covered the ground, houses, and trees. Frozen air bit and stung insects and birds. Its only gift given was that everything, the world seemed waiting for a change.
129 words
Back in May of 1993, I was 34 years old, living with my husband, two sons, and my younger brother in a two- level -apartment, a few steps from a traditional market, in Taipei, the biggest city in Taiwan.(37 words) I had a job teaching at a famous and popular elementary school in the Song-Shan District called Min Sheng Elementary School, which hosted more than two thousand students in four three- level- building.(32 words) I remember walking in the hallway by my classroom and being immersed in the sounds of kids chattering, screaming, and laughing during recess.( 23 words) I would stand there for a moment to see how joyful the students were!( 15 words) The breeze gently brushed my hair.( 6 words ) The only gift given on that early summer day was just a clear, blue sky.(15 words)
---128 words
Back in early summer of 1988, I was 14 years old, living with my parents and two younger brothers in a wooden bungalow about 12 kilometers from Tahwalee District. I was in a high school where there was a major community in a village that surrounded by shattered land, withered trees and an empty grey ricefield. I remember leaving the house and walking out to stand by the brown gravel road in the hot and dry air. I stared into the distance to the end of the bumpy highway. The summer day gave me inspiration. Its only gift was that magical rain will come and moist on the ground as I was hoping to be pick up by the rusted truck to arrive at my destiny that day.
--128 words--
Back in early July of 1998, I was 18 years old, living with my parents and my baby brother in an old two-bedroom high-rise apartment. I attended Jining No.4 high school for 3 years during which I was super busy working so hard preparing for national university entrance exam for which all my classmates were crazy so much about. I remember reviewing my notes and studying hard to earn good scores for my passion and dream. After the final exam, my teacher called us into the big classroom as I waited to be called up for the exam score. The atmosphere was tense and frozen. My only dream that my name was called as confirmed, university enrolment.
Back in the Summer of 2012, I was 17 years old, my family and I went to Harrison Hot Springs for a vacation we saw family members like my aunts, uncles and cousins that we haven't seen for many years. Our hotel was right by the beach my cousins and I went often to Lagoon. On the bottom floor of the hotel there was a swimming pool we also did some swimming. Majority of the time the family sat by the beach and did catching up with each other. The part of the vacation that I liked most was when my uncle took me to eat sushi. This vacation was good because I spent time with cousins I don't get to see often.
Back in mid fall of 2007, I was 15 years old, working as an expediter and hostess at the North Vancouver White Spot, with about 15 other co-workers each night. My job as the floor hostess was to seat and greet customers. I remember Mother’s Day was just around the corner and I knew I had to prepare myself for a very long and busy shift. I was assigned and in charge of specifically greeting guests that day as I felt the cold breeze swift behind my ear, I stood outside in my black and white uniform shivering and chattering my teeth as I opened the door for each customer. The only gift given on that late fall evening was the smile on every mothers face.
129 words
Back in the autumn 1973, I was 6.5 years old, playing in the street with 20 other children from neighborhood across from my grandfather’s home. Mrs. Wronsky, owner of beautiful orchard, known by her generosity called all children for treats from her orchard. That day her basket was empty before I came and I cried, “Tomorrow is my first day of school.” I meant, tomorrow is the end of my life. Smiling, she reached into her pocket for hidden chocolate and said, “Don’t worry, in school you are going to learn to read and there are a lot of books waiting for you to be read.” Ever since, I have loved to read, always looking for the child in myself, and finding life’s beauty, thanks to Mrs. Wronsky.
During the crystal clear summer days of July in 2008, I was thirteen years old, and living with my parents and brother in a one bedroom basement a couple of streets down the road from where I live now. I felt the heat wave during a soccer game for the
New Westminster Royal City, and at one point, I could see it. Randomly, I thought about it and realized that it was a mass of stationary hot air above the turf. I got back into the game, and I remember sprinting on the turf with the ball at my feet, passing
past defenders. Right after I shot the ball, the heat wave got to me and I fell. Suddenly a roar came from the crowd, the ball made it in the net and we won.
(135 words)
Looking for beauty in life Fernando Martinez 9/24/2013
Back in early July of 2007, I was 19 years old, living with my dog and friend in a two bedroom crack house a few miles down the highway from here. I had a job cleaning broken homes for a two-bit company that was working on a short stretch of homes just down the hill where this prison was built many years later. I remember leaving my house and walking out to stand by the road in the humidly hot day. I stood there sweating in my tank top as I waited to be picked up by the foremen’s son, in his brand new work truck. The sky was clear and blue. Its only gift that summer day was heat disguised as a seemingly beautiful light, bitter paradise.
A Short Memoir; Using Patrick Lanes First Paragraph as a Model
Back in late December of 1996, I was 6 years old,
living with my loving mother and older sister in a
large comfy house with a weeping willow in the front
yard. I was just a young grade one student at the
time attending a school called South Hazelton
Elementary, it is located in a very small town way up
in Northern British Columbia called Hazelton. I
remember always having to walk to school or the
bus stop in the very cold winter weather. It was
always a lot of work having to put on my snowsuit
to brave the cold weather for the long walk to
school. The snow banks were never ending. The
only good thing was arriving at school to play with
my fellow students.
128 WORDS EXCLUDING NAME, DATE, TITLE
KIRSTYN BONAR
September 25/2013
Back in the fall of 2012, I was sixteen years old, living with my family in a three bedroom
apartment suite just a few blocks away from moody park. I was working as a cook at A&W with
five other employees in downtown New Westminster, where this unbelievably fancy hallmark
theater was built six months later. I remember walking towards bus stop, a pleasant, sunny fall
afternoon with sidewalks full of yellow and grey, death leaves. I waited for my bus in my warm
leather jacket as I was feeling the cold breeze on my delicate face. The sun was glooming. I
can’t forget that fall day was as freezing cold as an arctic winter, cold and breezy, dry day.
Back in the late summer of 1992, I was 10 years old, spending the last summer
vacation of my childhood. I was a very active, lively girl who always had a sun-tanned
skin. The insect collecting was my matter of interest. Sometimes my father took me
to the mountain, and taught me names of insects like a biology teacher. I was highly
elated at the prospect of catching rare insects ahead. While I was enchanted by a
swallowtail, I wandered quite a long way. Suddenly, I realized that my father wasn’t
around me. There was no one, but it didn’t scare me. I was feeling the part of the
picturesque scenery. The spectacular sunset, the glittering golden field,
the origami-like butterflies… That sepia scene stands out in my memory.
- 129 words
Back in summer days of July 2013 I was nineteen years old, living with my parents, and my siblings in an apartment a few blocks down the road from here. I had a job working as a construction labourer far away from home, working under the genial sun. I remember the day that I got my bike back, it was a very exciting, and memorable day
for me. I drove my bike joyfully until I came to a vicious turn, and I lost control of the
bike, and I fell onto the curve. Thank god I wasn't seriously hurt because it takes .5
second to lose your life while riding a bike, and not concentrating. The sky was clear,
and blue, that summer day was ruined in a small incident.
The short Memoir
Back in the later December of 1973,I was 9 years old, living with my parent and two in a two old sisters room staff quarter ,where there were 90 similar railroader families. I studied in a railroader primary school which was 10 kilometres away from home. There was no any school bus .I had to get up in the early morning and walk one hour to school I remember putting on a cotton-padded jacket with eyes half closed, facing the biting wind in a misty dawn .I hid behind the Station Tower to avoid heavy snow and rain when I was looking forward to my parent picking me up. I stood there looking around to get warm . Its only gift that early winter day was hard, piercing wind.
The Beauty in Life
Back when I was in my early teen years, all I did was hang out and play sports just like most of the kids in school. Even though I was having fun with everyone else, I was wasting so much of my time for a long period. I realized this after an incident that happened to me during those years. One day my friends and I decided to go on a Whistler trip and planned to stay there for the weekend. As we were halfway near our destination, we had to make a pit stop to fill up some gas. Right before the gas station there was an intersection filled with black ice, and before we even knew it, we got t-boned. My ears were ringing, everything around me was such a blur due to the dust particles that was coming out of the airbags; I thought it was going to be the last seconds of my life. When everything became clearer to me, I realized that I was perfectly fine and found out one of our friends were unconscious. Everyone was panicking, not knowing what to do until someone finally decided to call 911. It took a few days for David to recover, even though he had a fractured arm and back, we were relieved that he is still okay. That weekend was a nightmare for me, but that is when I realized that I was taking advantage of everything I had. Now I really see what beauty is, it’s what you already have and the things you that can do with it.
Back in the winter of 2004, I was 9 years old, living with my mom and grandparents it was Christmas holidays so I did not have to go to school. We had family over because it was New Year’s Eve they stayed until past midnight as they were about to leave their tires got slashed we almost thought my cousins and their parents would sleep over. I remember being so excited unfortunately they got new tires so they did not get to sleep over. I went upstairs and looked through the window and watched them drive off into the dark night until I could not see them any longer. I went to my room to sleep. The only gift given on that winter day was happiness of family and friends. - 130 words
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