Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Brad's Comments on Student Theme Statements

Some comments on your themes:

Zara is giving good details but has not translated them into a statement of general truth. Try based on what you learned in class today.

Jane's theme "Nothing is better than the love of a mother." is overstated. You might try, "Often, a mother is able to continue her loving actions even when under stress or after an argument with her children."

For Jane's theme on "family unity" I think that it might be better as "It is often painful to leave a family, though it may be necessary to achieve personal freedom."

For Andrew's theme on "emotions between family members," I'd rephrase it as "Families often stay together, even in the face of extreme stress and arguing."

For Andrew's second theme on "responsibility," I think it might be better to say, "Sometimes, we have to take responsibility for our family members, even when we would rather not."

For Claudia's theme on alcohol, I'd say, "Using alcohol to escape a conflict probably won't work and could even make things worse."

Claudia on mothers might be better as, "Often a mother will absorb the worst abuse from her children in the hopes of understanding them better."

Zhi’s theme, “Everybody has some things that are difficult to be described to others,” is pretty good as it is.

Zhi’s other theme, using ‘Mothers always . . .” is difficult to support as not all mothers do, so it could not be seen as a general truth.

Victoria’s theme, “In arguments people like to talk about their feelings; however they forget to listen about opponent’s feelings,” can be improved by using “often like to talk” and “often forget.” Otherwise, it’s quite true!

Victoria’s other theme, “You shouldn’t get the independence, success, and confidence at the expense of somebody else’s,” is not as successful. Themes provide truths about life; sometimes we may have to do some things at other’s expense. One could say, however, that “To gain independence, success and confidence, we sometimes have to sacrifice something or do things that have a human cost.”

Lola’s theme, “Most of mothers have never give up and do their best to creat a better condition for their kids,” would be better as “Most mothers never give up trying to create a better life for their kids.”

Lola’s other theme, “it was painful and contradictory feeling for people if they want to abandon a struggled family and get free personally,” is better as, “Abandoning your family for the sake of personal freedom often leads to painful and contradictory feelings.”

Keri’s theme, “Retreating a pace sometimes can make our life better,” is good as it is.
Keri’s other theme, “The most greatest thing in the world is the love of a mother,” is overstated a bit and would be better as “The love of a mother overcomes many obstacles and hurts.”

Lastly, Margaret’s theme, “Love for the weakest member brings family together,” is better as, “Often, a family’s love for a weaker member can bring them closer together.”
And, “Escaping from reality doesn’t solve the problems,” can be stated as, “Often, an escape from reality only creates new problems and doesn’t solve old ones.”

1 comment:

vic''ky said...

sorry brad, havent showed up for almost two weeks...wish im not super behind...struggling with american visa, friends, family issues, work and three courses....
well, everything is getting better ;)
have a nice weekend everyone XD